I started my practice in 1993 after graduating from Adelphi University. I continued to study Psychodynamic Therapy for 2 years at the Derner Institute Post Doctoral Program and then studied Psychodynamic Therapy at IPTAR (Institute for Psychoanalysis and Research) for a year until I decided to seek Psychoanalytic training at New York Psychoanalytic Institute in 1995. I finished that program after 9 years of classroom study and classically analyzing a number of patients as a requisite for completion of the program. I was in private practice seeing mostly individuals and continuing to analyze several patients but I also started working with couples and found that to be even more fascinating than working with individuals. By 2010 my practice consisted of mostly couples and it has remained my central focus since then culminating in exclusive work with couples for the last 16 years.
The couples I enjoy working with the most are those with the everyday difficulties of getting along with a partner who is a very different type of person than yourself and who seems particularly different than we once believed they were. We are often attracted to people who are very opposite to ourselves because it is such a stimulating experience to be with someone so different but over time the differences tend to “wear” on couples and the relationships. Sometimes frustration, annoyance and dislike of one’s partner develops due to these differences and this chips away at the closeness they once shared. The connection between the couple is disrupted if not broken and the two can become more like roommates than a loving couple. I enjoy helping these couples to slowly reestablish their connection and intimacy and feel good about each other again.
I also enjoy working with couples who have young children. These parents are often completely drained and have no time for themselves or each other. They are particularly surprised and dismayed at how frustrated they are with each other and it’s refreshing to see how they come back to life after a few sessions of being able to express their deep disappointment not only in their partner but in how demanding their life is now. They now have permission to complain out loud to each about their arduous lives and see how these feelings led them to take it out on each other.
Each couple I see is unique but the main method I use to help them is to listen to them talk about what has been most difficult in the relationship regarding their partner. What expectations do they feel have not been met in their relationship? What are the recurring themes of the arguments they have? I also ask them to go over recent fights they have had. This exercise is difficult for many couples until we explore the deeper feelings each person has experienced during and after the fight. This is usually very illuminating since each person has a chance to finally understand what led to the argument. Deeply hurt feelings is the source of most arguments and couples are typically people aren’t aware their feelings were hurt although they know they feel angry. By exploring all the various feelings around a fight we can finally see how hurt the partner has felt. This leads to empathy and a softening of the “stance” or attitude each person has for the other which has hardened over time. My goal is to help each person understand their own feelings more deeply and to gain insight into themselves, their partner’s feeling and their dynamic in the relationship.
This is the heart of Emotionally Focused Couples Therapy which I have followed and have found to be the most helpful for couples to reestablish their connection to each other.
Education:
Graduated in 1991 from Adelphi University with a Ph.D.
Studied at 2 Post Doctoral programs including The Derner Institute and IPTAR, Institute for Psychoanalytic Therapy and Research
Studied at and completed the Program at NYPSI, New York Psychoanalytic Institute and Society
Since 2004 studied Couples Therapy and added this specialization to my practice